Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Mana Glint Seed Co.
Have you ever heard of Scoffer County? Probably not.
If you had, you would have also heard of Arby Duane Scott, the local dry cleaner and part time soccer coach. He was better known as the man with three first names, or threesome for short, and it was he who received the first seed packet in the mail one cold February afternoon. It was sent to him with no return address. The packet was from a company called Mana Glint Seed Co. and it held 5 or 6 dozen small seeds. Threesome thought it a bit odd but planted several among his starters. A day later the milkman, the undertaker, and the entire School Board found identical packets in the mail.
Over the course of the next week , a total of 33 people received the strange packets and over half of them planted starters. When the spring sunshine started to warm the black mud of Scoffer County there were no less than 100 planted starters from those mysterious seed packets in gardens and greenhouses. The people who had planted them were overjoyed as the young plants shot up several feet in height during the first weeks of spring. Word spread as the plants, now obviously a variety of tomato, became local legend. Those without Mana Glint Seed Co. seeds began paying exorbitant amounts for the few unplanted seeds that were left. By June the plants had grown to monstrous size and had taken over most of the garden plots that hosted them. It didn't matter, though, because the first red, cantaloupe-sized tomatoes were harvested and eaten as a treat the day summer break began and everyone agreed that other crops could languish this year. Those tomatoes were good eating. But that was when the trouble started.
Since Threesome had planted first, and eaten first, it was Threesome who went missing first. The day after he called to tell his friends about what a delicacy these fruits were, he stopped showing up for work or taking calls . By the time the people of Scoffer County caught wind of what was going on and went out to check on their acquaintances, all they found were patches of Mana Glint tomatoes towering 20 or 30 feet high where homes had once stood. Anyone who went searching for clues in the tomato patches never came out. The sheriff and the local police force were quickly flooded with calls about some voracious tomato variety but when they reported to the sites all they found were halves of houses, front bumpers of cars, and anything else that hadn't yet been swallowed in the onslaught of tomatoes.
The last anyone heard of Scoffer County was a call to the national guard from a desparate sounding police deputy. When a few troops arrived at the border the next day, all they saw was a colossal patch of withered tomato vines and a county line marker. The Scoffer County side had been roughly removed.
No one else but you and a few National guard troops have heard of Scoffer County. Don't bother Googling Mana Glint Seed Co. They don't exist. And when you get seeds from them in the mail, just toss them out.